fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
