I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
