ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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