I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
