so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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