After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
