I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize