I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
