he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
