it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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