just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
