So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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