What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
