I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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