worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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