Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
