Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
God, I missed his penis.
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