he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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