Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
