Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
