If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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