Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
