also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
