I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
