Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
