Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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