Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
