just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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