I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my being single is dangerous.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
