Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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