drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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