Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
