This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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