So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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