Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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