I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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