yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
