...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
