I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
