I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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