1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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