I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
