Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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