WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize