So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
