I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I want is dick and wine.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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