My hand turned me down
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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