I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
