I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im holly from the hills drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize