She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
