OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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