I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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