it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
