last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
