I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
