He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize