Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
