Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
