Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
