I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
