I hate your face
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
