she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
