Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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