I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
