if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
