I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
