if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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