Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize