brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
