is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
