The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
