I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
